How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
