i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
