y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
