Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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