The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
