dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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