I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
