so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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