they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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