I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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