i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
