This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
