My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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