lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
3 2 1 whiskey
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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