You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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