Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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