I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
