Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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