one might say we're banned from that church
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
