btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
