i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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