she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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