i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
