I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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