very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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