i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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