Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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