they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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