Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
