I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
