sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
