So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
