Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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