i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In America we eat man semen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
