Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
