That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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