the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
