If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
