Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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