im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
