I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize