feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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