hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
