I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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