You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
