I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
