I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
