margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
