Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dick very happy bro
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
