I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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