It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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