last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
