cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we made out on top of his cat.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
