Cold hands, warm shart.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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