i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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