How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
