I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
