So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
