You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
