So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
