the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
