Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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