discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
