A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
