Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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