Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
