I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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