I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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