There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
