I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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