oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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