Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
love makes seman taste better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
