theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
