he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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