Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
