Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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