I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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