im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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