a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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