Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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