i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
