just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
