There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
